You Know You're a Nurse When............
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!" (I have a shirt that says that....)
2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. (I've said this....)
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid. (very true!)
5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them. (I do! and they write so damn good!)
6) you believe there's a special place in hell forthe inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can. (Been there, done that!)
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom. (YEP!)
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil. (YES)
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. (Of course!)
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, abrow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a beton someone's blood alcohol level. (Yes, did that in nursing school during clinicals on the psych ward)
15) you've to told a confused/drunk patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of awinnebago's water tank. (I can go all shift without peeing!)
17) you have seen more penis' than any prostitutecould dream of. (they all look the same after a while!)
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious. (those are the best!)
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon. (I've said this!)
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you. (Done this more than once! Even how many bowel movements a patient has had and how big they were)
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change. (no this is not okay, scares the shit out of me)
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac, or even a pole like a salt licker that you use for deer with prozac on it.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce. (most definitely!)
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?" (and it does!)
29) you have ever wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably. (done this more than once!)
2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. (I've said this....)
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid. (very true!)
5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them. (I do! and they write so damn good!)
6) you believe there's a special place in hell forthe inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can. (Been there, done that!)
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom. (YEP!)
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil. (YES)
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. (Of course!)
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, abrow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a beton someone's blood alcohol level. (Yes, did that in nursing school during clinicals on the psych ward)
15) you've to told a confused/drunk patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of awinnebago's water tank. (I can go all shift without peeing!)
17) you have seen more penis' than any prostitutecould dream of. (they all look the same after a while!)
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious. (those are the best!)
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon. (I've said this!)
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you. (Done this more than once! Even how many bowel movements a patient has had and how big they were)
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change. (no this is not okay, scares the shit out of me)
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac, or even a pole like a salt licker that you use for deer with prozac on it.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce. (most definitely!)
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?" (and it does!)
29) you have ever wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably. (done this more than once!)
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