End of 2010

The video above is a song that has become an anthem in my life over the last couple of weeks. As the year of 2010 comes to a close, all I can say is: "Thanks be to God!" God has brought me through the storm and I am here to tell the tale of this year. It has been a rough year for my entire family and I'm ready for 2011 to be here so that I can start anew.

In 2010, my family has experienced: a 9 month unemployment, a separation of a dear family member from us, soap opera like drama from said family member, job loss on my part, struggles to balance work and home when work was necessitated and took over home life, growing pains from our family, a death, and hubby and I went through a rough patch where I thought he and I would not make it. All this said, I am here to write about it and say we made it through. I want to use this blog to vent, rant, and get all of 2010 off my chest so I can move forward fresh in 2011.

In 2010, I started a new job in January as a travel nurse. I was all gun ho for this job. I was working with the intellectually disabled population and overseeing their care in home. I was also teaching classes for this agency. I was excited for the opportunities this would present to me. I would have certificates to teach med aide, First Aid, CPR, and TOVA. It took from January to April to finally get all these certificates. I was promised a lot of things from the person I thought was a friend and was my boss. Promised to become a full time employee of this agency, to make a better wage than what I was already making, to take over regions of the state as the nurse for these areas, etc. None of these things came to pass. My job ended with this agency in October. I was told that a combination of medicaid cuts, and it "just wasn't working out" were the reasons for my being let go. I have never been let go from a job. I know I worked so hard in this job. I was never home, always traveling, always speaking with my sponsors about their individuals, and I somehow became a personal assistant to my immediate supervisor while she did her homework on office time-the few times she was in office. But, when this job ended, I was grateful. I had said to my supervisor a week or two prior to my job ending that I was not happy there, but I had sucked it up because I needed a job and I was the only one working in my home. This supervisor also told me that she was not happy with the agency, but she was staying for the tuition reimbursement. I learned from this job that things may always look wonderful on the outside, but there are never as great and wonderful on the inside. I still keep in touch with some of the sponsors from this agency, and their individuals. It feels good that I made such an impact on them that they still wanted to involve me in their lives. But, even though I sound bitter about this, I'm not because this led me to the place I am now, and I am grateful.

My husband lost his job in January. He was let go of his job for, essentially BS. Even though he was fired, he filed for unemployment. With statements from other employees, proof that he had been doing his job from documents he produced, etc. he was able to get unemployment. During my husband's unemployment, he went through depression, anger, grief. He went through all these things, tried to find his nitch as to what job he was going to go back to, and we struggled. Hubbs like to keep things to himself and I wasn't around when he was ready to vent because I was always working or sleeping, so he had a lot of things built up. In September he looked into truck driving school, and decided on going. He graduated at the end of October and is now driving locally. I'm thankful that he has a job in this economy. He's not making as much as he was before, but he's home every night, and he's happy. What more can I ask for?

This year we have dealt with the separation of a family member. I have went through the depression, the anger, and bitterness. Now I am at a place of peace over it. I miss him terribly, but I"m reminded of the story of the Prodigal son. He will return, but if not, I know I did what I had to do. I know that without me he would not have been able to accomplish the things he did: graduating high school, meeting the love of his life and marrying her, becoming the responsible man he is now, and having the friends he has now. Yeah, I know this sounds like I am giving myself so much credit and tooting my own horn here. But, given the situation he was in prior to living with my family, he wouldn't be where he is now. We all miss him. This Christmas has been hard. We pulled out his stocking from our decorations and I cried. My kids are so upset that he won't come around to see them, he won't call them. But, even before I has asked him to stay away (because the kids were being caught in the middle of the drama due to other people) he was not being in their lives. So, I figured it was best for all of us around to make a clean break and pray for the best later. We miss him.

Through all this, the hubbs and I have struggled to keep our relationship intact. If it was not for him, I would have thrown in the towel. I was to that point because I had let the stress get to me. I had not given everything over to God and and let him handle this. Now that I have, and I see I have a husband that will fight for me, things are great between he and I.

So, the song above says:"Tell me what you want to hear, something that will last for years, I'm sick of all the insincere, I'm gonna give all my secrets away. This time, don't need another perfect line." Yeah, I gave all my secrets away with this blog. A lot of things here no one knows and there are still things that I did not tell here. But, I'm sick of all the insincere and those secrets stay with me.